Who I Am
by Taeng
Summary: Rory appears before River, asking for her help in rescuing Amy and their child. River realises that now is when she must reveal who she really is. Her thoughts and feelings leading up to her confrontation with the Doctor in AGMGTW.


**This is my first voyage into the world of Doctor Who.**

**I came up with this after re-watching 'A Good Man Goes to War'. I don't know if someone has already written something similar to this, and if they have, I hope this isn't too similar. I know that the dialogue is straight out of the episode, but it was needed.**

**So, this does contain spoilers for 'A Good Man Goes to War', during which this is set.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. All rights belong to the BBC.**

**Who I Am**

It was night as River Song waltzed down the dimly lit corridor, back towards her prison cell smiling happily to herself. Today was her birthday and she had just spent an amazing day with the Doctor in Victorian London. She loved the Victorian era and as she swayed from side to side back to her cell, she hummed the song that she had just heard, still fresh in her mind.

She wasn't paying any attention to her surroundings, thinking that no one would be around now that she had told them to silence the alarms signalling her return. She slowed to a walk upon seeing a man standing in the corridor before her. In the dim light she couldn't make out who it was, but she was amused at his attire.

"Oh, are you boys dressing up as Romans now?" she said with amusement as she continued to sway towards her cell and the man. "I thought nobody read my memos."

The man took some steps towards her. "Doctor Song," he began and she looked at him, surprised to hear him address her as such. As soon as the man had stepped into the light, allowing her to finally see him, he stopped walking. "It's Rory."

River had also stopped walking and stared at him. _Rory_. She tried not to let her surprise show as she looked at him.

When she didn't reply, he continued nervously. "Sorry, have we met yet?" he asked. "Time streams, I'm not quite sure where we are."

"Yes," she replied softly, her voice instantly loosing its humour, her voice now sounding confused and unsure. "Yes, we've met." She took some quick steps, closing the distance between them. _It's been too long, Father. I missed you_. "Hello, Rory." She wore a soft expression, as though she hadn't seen him in a very long time and felt slightly unnerved as she looked at him._ Why is he here, now? Where is Amy, Mother? Where is the Doctor?_

He nodded back in confusion before asking, "What's wrong?"

River paused. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, unsure of what to say. _I can't say it. Not yet. I can't tell him he's my father. It's not time. _She then tried again. "Uh, it's my birthday," she replied, quickly covering herself. _Why is he here? Where is the Doctor? Amy, Mother? No. No, it can't be. No, I don't want to know._

"Oh." Rory nodded in understanding.

"The Doctor took me ice skating on the River Thames in 1814," she explained, trying to distract him, "the last of the great Frost Fairs." She suddenly found herself gushing out what had happened with nervous excitement, hoping that she was keeping his mind away from what he wanted to ask her. She didn't want to know. She didn't want to know what was going on. "He got Stevie Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge."

Rory looked at her confused. "Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?"

River nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, he did." She then quickly shook her head and raised a gloved finger to her lips. "But you must never tell him."

Rory stared at her again, taking in what she had said. He gave a small nod, before deciding that he should now inform her of why he had come to her. "I've come from the Doctor too," he almost blurted out.

"Yes, but at a different point in time."

Rory nodded in response. "Unless there's two of them."

"Oh, that's a whole different birthday," River replied flirtatiously, starting to walk away towards her cell. As she walked, curiosity took over and she took her diary out of her muffler and opened it, scanning the pages, curious as to why Rory was there. _Please let me be wrong. I don't want to know. It can't be time yet. Please tell me I'm wrong. Oh no. No. It can't be. Not yet._ She closed her eyes and grimaced, secretly cursing herself. _How could I not have realised! _Today was her birthday.

"He needs you." Rory had turned to her.

River ignored him, staring at the page, transfixed. "Demon's Run," she said, looking up. _I can't go. Not yet. I can't interfere with my own timeline. I don't want to go through all of that again. But I can't tell him, them, who I am. Not yet._

"H-how did you know?"

River paused before turning around. "I'm from his future," she replied. "I always know." _Please don't ask me to come. _In an attempt to change the subject once more, she gazed at his attire. "Why are you wearing that?"

Rory looked down, taking in his appearance, he was once more dressed as a Roman centurion, before replying, "The Doctor's idea."

"Of course." River smiled. "His rules of engagement: float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." She began to turn back around, towards her cell. _Please don't ask me to come. I don't want to disappoint you, but I can't go. Not yet. _

"Look ridiculous," Rory added to her statement, throwing his arms out in emphasis.

"Have you considered heels?" she added in a mocking manner, continuing to turn away from him.

"They've taken Amy." Rory went back to the subject at hand, the whole reason he had come to her. River stopped. "And our baby."

River didn't respond. _I know, _she thought sadly, closing her eyes momentarily as images of her childhood flashed through her mind. The sadness, the horror, the fear.

Rory once more took steps towards her. "The Doctor's getting some people together," he informed her. "We're going after her, but he needs you too."

River shook her head. "I can't," she replied softly. She turned back to face him. "Not yet anyway," she continued, looking into his angry and confused face.

"I'm sorry?" he spat at her.

She took a small step back away from him, feeling his fury. _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._ She had never seen him this angry, but she couldn't go. Not yet. He had to understand.

"This is the Battle of Demon's Run," River explained, "the Doctor's darkest hour. He'll rise higher than ever before and fall so much further. And... I can't be with him until the very end."

"Why not?"

"Because this is it." He stared at her in confusion as she turned and entered her cell. She looked at him through the bars. "This is the day he finds out who I am."

"And who are you?"

She so badly wanted to tell him the truth. That she was his daughter. But she couldn't. Instead she shook her head sadly. "I can't tell you. Not yet, anyway."

Rory wanted to scream at her. To tell her that she had to come. To drag her out of her cell to the TARDIS. To help save Amy, his wife, and their child. Their child, whose name he didn't know and whose gender he didn't even know. But he didn't. He looked at her in disappointment and this hurt her more than if he had screamed and shouted at her.

"Tell him I'm sorry," she said, but he didn't respond.

And with that, he left. Her father left her.

She knew where he was going. Back to him. Back to the Doctor.

She knew that he would tell him what had happened. That she had refused to help. And she knew he would be angry, that they both would be. But she couldn't be there, not yet. And when she would make her appearance, she knew she would face his fury. Her father would be too busy comforting Amy, his wife, her mother.

River placed her muffler down and took off her gloves before reopening her diary. She fingers traced the pages depicting Demon's Run. This is where it all began. Her life.

She sighed. She should have seen it coming. Today was her birthday, after all. She had been dreading this day, when her secret would finally be revealed.

She had wanted to join Rory, her father, and go and save her mother and herself, but she couldn't. No matter how badly she wanted to change her past, her childhood. She couldn't. She couldn't interfere with her own timeline. She had to let herself to suffer. She had to let her parents to suffer. And she had to let him suffer.

But she knew that they would all be okay. He was going to find her. The Doctor was going to find her. He was to save her and everything was going to be okay.

Time passed as she stared at the pages, touching the writing in a gentle manner. She knew all about the consequences of today, her birthday. She knew that she had been conceived in love and happiness, but that wasn't her life. Her life had been strained and tortuous, filled with so much sadness and fear. She had pushed those emotions out of her long ago. But she understood all of it. She understood why they had wanted her, the weapon they had wanted to forge her into. But she knew that he would always come for her. That's why she helped him. She knew what he meant to her parents and he now meant a lot to her. He had been the one to rescue her, to reunite her with her parents and for that, she would be eternally grateful.

She smiled to herself as she remembered her time with him. Despite her childhood, she would never change any of that. Because if it wasn't for that, for the events of Demon's Run, then she would never of had her time with the Doctor. She would never be who she was now and she honestly like the person she had become.

She placed her diary down before approaching the small wardrobe. She opened it to a mass of clothes. It was something that always made her smile. Her wardrobe was bigger on the inside than the outside. Something, one of the many things, the Doctor had taught her. She walked in, putting her muffler and gloves away before finding the simple dark green dress she was going to wear. She changed into it, allowing her hair to fall loose as she did so. She then picked up her utility belt, strapping it around her waist.

She looked at her watch. It was almost time. Soon she would be revealing to him and her parents who she really was. But first they had to suffer. All of them. The Doctor had to face the prospect of losing everything he held dear. She knew he could have helped to prevent what would happen, but she knew him too well. He was too stubborn. He focused on being right, never truly seeing the consequences of his actions.

She knew all about the meticulous planning that had been conducted in order to capture and imprison her mother once she was pregnant. She knew all about the army had been forged against him. She knew all about the army he, himself, was forming to reclaim her mother. She knew that all of this was so that they would have her, so that she could be forged into a weapon to destroy him. But he didn't know what the result of this war would be, but she did. She knew everything and she felt an ominous, nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought.

She turned and walked out of the wardrobe, closing it before picking up her dairy and placing it in the pocket of her dress. She then once more left her cell. She had never closed the door so the alarms never went off as she walked down the corridor. She knew the guards wouldn't be surprised by her disappearance. They were used to it.

She swallowed as she stopped walking and tapped in the co-ordinates into her Vortex Manipulator, which was strapped to her wrist. She had to arrive at the opportune moment.

She was about to face his fury and it unnerved her slightly. But he had to understand and the only way for her to do that was for her to tell him. She had, of course, always known that today was the day her secret would be revealed. Today was the day that they would find out that she had taken the translation of her name that the people of the Gamma Forest had given her. Her cover name to hide who she really was.

Today she was going to reveal who she was. That she was really Melody Pond.

She closed her eyes, taking another breath. She opened them and pressed the button on her Vortex Manipulator. There was a crackle and a flash of lightening as she disappeared.

"Well then Soldier, how goes the day?"


End file.
